The beginning of the end

As my last month in Australia begins, so does my grieving process. Though I will always look back on these last five months with only the fondest memories, it is impossible not to dwell on all the people and experiences I will be leaving behind. With classes ending, I have ample opportunity to look internally and figure out how I have changed and what has caused those changes - if only it were that simple.

I knew I wanted to study abroad from the moment I enrolled at University of Oregon. My determination to go abroad went past simply wanting to travel, and although words cannot adequately express my emotions, I will try my best.

Growing up in the same city, going to school with the same people, and having a twin sister by my side means I have always had companionship through my life and my struggles. A comforting thought, but it leaves little room to mature. Looking back, I knew I needed to get away and find out more about myself then what had been concocted by the same peer groups I have had since elementary school. This is not to say I didn’t have a strong sense of self, as I did and still do today, but it is easy to wonder what parts of you are muffed under others perceptions of you.

            This thought had never crossed my mind until I began settling in Townsville. The opportunity was finally available for me to be whoever I wanted. This didn’t change me, but instead lifted my stresses, allowing for freedom to express parts of myself that helped me see things differently. Pessimism turned to optimism and my carefree side became more and more prominent. Being able to escape my past environment and exploring all parts of my personality consequently allowed for me to become more of myself, a more complete self. The person I am now isn’t different from the one who left Oregon; I just now have found what I have been looking for within myself. This change can be attributed to every person I have met, who has challenged me to explore deeper and experience more.

This is where the grieving process comes into play. Will leaving everyone who has helped me find what was lost in me for so long mean it will again disappear? Will my home life seem mundane in comparison? Words can’t truly express how much I will miss everything I’ve experiences; however my fear lies not in stopping my journey in Australia, but in forgetting and losing what my experiences have done for me.